I’ve got a heavy heart tonight–lots of stuff going on as usual. Jeff and Jack are both happy and healthy, not to mention tired and already in bed. As much as I need to crawl into bed myself, I need to do some housekeeping, or in this case, some blog-keeping.

We had a low-key weekend–we even found some time to nap for a few hours yesterday. We stayed local and did a lot of stuff in the neighborhood. We even found a new favorite lunch/brunch spot right on the water. The atmosphere was nice, the food was divine and you can’t beat the view! I loved the breakfast skillet, Jeff loved the Jersey Club and Jack, well, he loved the taste of crayons. We loved it so much, we went back again on Sunday after church.

After all the weekend fun, we all prepared for a new routine. As I sliced grapes in half and folded little boy t-shirts, I was multi-tasking in more ways than one. I was emotionally and mentally preparing myself for yet another change, one that would mean leaving our boy with strangers. Granted, they’re well-qualified and super nice strangers, but new people nonetheless.

Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe the unknown?

Like it always does, life always throws you curveballs when you least expect it. My mom, who has been doing the selfless and arduous trek every week to care for Jack, hasn’t been feeling herself. With the intention of her caring for her health before anything else, we reluctantly made the decision to put Jack in daycare. Huh? I'm going where?Because things came at us so fast, we never really had a back up plan for childcare. When things didn’t work out, one of us would take off of work and do it ourselves. This scenario was so different and complex, yet impossible to tread lightly. Our wonderful in-home childcare, thanks to mom, wouldn’t last forever afterall. It was a sacrifice from all ends, with much emphasis on mom’s end. In an area so fast-paced, but with little resources for affordable childcare, what’s one to do? We opted to go with a daycare that I checked out months ago. The owner, a well-spoken and highly regarded professional, is a young mom much like myself, so I immediately struck a chord with her the first time I visited the facility this past winter. Many months have passed and Jack has grown considerably since that visit. With that fervor to balance everything (and the backlash and criticism to go with it) not to mention life changing at such a rapid pace, we had to be ok with this decision.

So, I packed up some clothes, way too many cups and snacks and labeled everything just so. This morning, everything was positioned on the couch, just ready to go. I had the butterflies like it was the first day at school, except I wasn’t the new kid.

I could tell Jack was a bit confused as to why he was getting dressed up so early in the morning. I’m sure he was thinking, “but mommy and lola let me run around pantless at least until noon!” ha. Not today! We packed the car and headed to the daycare, just up the hill from us.

Bag is all packedIt was quiet when we arrived. Well, as quiet as a school full of kids under 3 can get. As soon as we walked up to the infant room, Jack reached out to one of the girls. It couldn’t be that easy, could it?

We put all his food away and told them where all his belongings were located as Jack scurried off into the corner to play with “new” toys. And like he does, he looked up to see if mom and dad were still around.

He knew.

As soon as we lunged towards the door, he yelped and flung out his arms.

As we headed for the door, I could hear his cry linger in the other room. My heart sunk to my stomach, and it took everything I had to not cry.

I must’ve clock-watched all day today. And cell phone watched. And voicemail watched.
No one ever called. Surprisingly, I even resisted calling the daycare just to check on him.
Of course he’s fine. It’s me that’s not fine!!

Once the three of us reconvened after the first day at daycare, we were all smiles and relieved. I immediately noticed some new scratches, but other than that, he seemed to enjoy his new routine. We like his teacher, the daycare and their curriculum. Outside of family or ourselves, we feel confident in our new childcare provider scenario. Millions of people do this everyday. I know we’ll be ok.

In an ideal world, one where money grew expediently on trees, we’d be home all day with him. Until then, this 3-day a week stint at daycare looks like it’ll be an interesting new adventure.

**
edited to add:
Morning of day 2, text from Jeff after drop off:
Crocodile tears

Text back from me 😦 😦 😦

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