It’s hard to believe, but after 2 months of maternity leave and working from home, I’m back to the painful grind.

I was up every hour last night, not because of Jack, but because of the anxiety of re-joining the rat race again. Actually, I started the waterworks before I even got out of bed. Every time I looked at his chubby little face, I was overwhelmed with guilt and the fervor to *try* and balance work and family. I cried before I left the house, I cried on the bus and I cried when I turned that last corner before I got to my office building. Needless to say, it’s been a teary day. Jack obviously didn’t know why mama was sad, but his adorable babbling somewhat made it known that I was doing the “right” thing by jumping back into the workforce.

I know I’m not the first mom to leave their little baby to go back to work, but that doesn’t mean it’s any easier. I’m extremely lucky because Jack’s in the best possible care while I’m here all day (and night!) Having him home with my mom somewhat made that difficult goodbye a little easier. At least when I call home every hour on the hour, my mom doesn’t think I’m crazy… she knows!

It’s been a rough start, but I know it’ll get easier once I get acclimated with my schedule again! Now, the piles of mail and email– that will never go away! 17,000 emails and counting. Ack!!