I thought I’d post an update in case anyone is wondering. I had my last scheduled dr’s appointment yesterday. I went in ready for the dr. to say, let’s go to the hospital today and have this baby. But since I know it doesn’t exactly work that way, I was somewhat prepared for the disappointing news.

I didn’t make much progress since last week. While I’m almost completely effaced and been having timeable contractions, I’m not dilated much more than 1cm. I still have favorable signs of going into labor on my own, but who knows when that could be.

Jeff voiced his concerns to me earlier in the week because he’s been doing his own research and reading. He told me that while it’s completely my decision and values my judgment, he’d prefer if I waited the extra week and try to go into labor on my own. Both anxiously and selfishly, I did not even want to think about going beyond this week. My fears of this baby being too big and creating any unnecessary trauma for him is clouding all judgment at this point. And quite frankly, I’m exhausted, not only physically, but from all the unsolicited advice coming my way. I love the support and feedback I get, but with me feeling so worn out and defeated at this point, I just can’t take another “well, my sister’s fiance’s cousin was 3 weeks overdue and her baby was only 7lbs…”

I know I’m not the first woman to face delivering an estimated big baby, nor the first person to go beyond my due date, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to be terrified and anxious of the unknown.

So, after delivering the news that I hadn’t made much more progress, the dr. asked how I felt. I glanced at Jeff, released a heavy sigh and told him the obvious: “I’m tired and so done.” We talked more about the possibility of induction and scheduling or whether I wanted to wait the extra week. The dr. said, at this point, induction would not be a medical necessity since I’m not really overdue or high risk. Jeff told him how he felt about waiting the extra week. And with the dr. throwing around the words, “elective” and “unnecessary,” my confidence level plummeted. Reluctantly, I told him that I’d have no qualms with waiting it out, if that’s what he suggested.

“There’s no right and wrong in this decision,” he admitted. “And to be truthful Jen, if you are feeling defeated and exhausted like it appears that you are, waiting the extra week won’t necessarily help.”

Laden with guilt, selfishness and confusion, I wanted nothing more than to burst into tears at that very moment.

With a heavy heart, I asked the dr. if we could mull it over and call him back in the evening. “Not a problem,” he said. “It’s a big decision to make.” And as if a lightbulb went off he went on to say, “oh, for scheduling purposes, I should let you know, if you guys decide to wait until next week, I won’t be here. Dr. B will be on call since I have some family obligations next Wed. and Thurs.”

Great, doc. Throw even more BS into the equation why don’t you. Who ever heard of drs having a life outside of delivering babies, I thought. haha.

Jeff said, as soon as the dr. told us that, my facial expression changed and he knew I’d made up my mind. So, like the observant, dutiful husband he is, Jeff said, “Well, I think that detail alone made up our minds. We’d like to go ahead and schedule the induction for this week.”

I felt so relieved. Not only did I not want to wait another week and endure more tests, but I did not want a different dr. While the other dr. who would be on call is very capable (he is my gyn and has delivered hundreds and hundreds of healthy babies), we had a very solid rapport with Dr. M. I know and realize that the L&D nurses do most of the work during delivery; however, it would be my dr’s call on how this delivery and experience would progress. We’d met with this dr. over the duration of my pregnancy, he’s been very involved and has helped make it as wonderful as it’s been. I did not feel comfortable changing directions at this point.

So, there you have it. Unless I go into labor beforehand, I will go into the hospital tomorrow night to be induced. If things progress well with no major problems, our little dude should be here sometime Thursday.

It’s quite daunting to accept the fact that really, I have no control whatsoever about this whole childbirth thing. I don’t really have an idyllic childbirth plan or scenario. I just want a healthy baby and happy family. I know it’ll be painful, and even moreso now with the induction. I know it’ll be long and exhausting. But what I do know is that my incredible husband will be right there with me.

With my parents coming up tomorrow and Jeff’s parents to follow this weekend, not to mention the throngs of family and friends from a distance, we’ve got a very solid support system ready and waiting to welcome Baby B. into this world!