My little brother John has a vast collection of elastic waist pants. John loves elastic waist pants, but probably not as much as board shorts. (Board shorts have built in underwear and it has multiple uses since they just get wet when he’s at the beach all day!)


For Thanksgiving, John wears his fat pants, for the ease of eating and his expanding waistline. Seamless thinking, huh?

I guess when you’re that thin, fat pants are definitely an oxymoron. But for people like me, fat pants induce fear and horror…which brings me to the issue of maternity clothes.

Ever since I started the love affair with Miller Lite, my waistline became a distant memory. I’d diet, I’d exercise, I’d lose weight…and then I look at a slice of cake and gain 16 lbs. And of course, once I finally got serious about getting back in shape, that’s when I lost almost 15 lbs and then got pregnant! Joy and joy!

So when we were home the other week, I was quite bloated and not quite visibly pregnant yet. I was still round, but more round because of the bloat. I was wearing a regular pair of jeans and was visibly busting out of them. Since a majority of maternity clothes horrify me, I haven’t had the urge to go out and buy any. Well, my mom was quite vocal about her own horror and my growing waistline:

Grabbing my waist and inspecting my pants, my 5’1″ and very petite mom says to me:

“are your clothes too tight now?”
“Yeah, just about, ” I told her.
“Well, you need to do something! You need garter pants now. You don’t want to squish your baby!!”

I definitely don’t want to squish the baby, ya’ll. 😉

My husband, on the other hand, seems to approve of my changing body. The other night, I wore a Hane’s v-neck t-shirt and pj pants to bed. The t-shirt was pretty snug and revealing for something that used to be loose and comfy.

Jeff’s selective sight and hearing kicks in once baseball is here. When I walked in front of the tv during the Mets game, I was surprised I caught his attention. When I crossed his path again, I got a complimentary whistle and a “HOLY CRAP, your boobs are huge” comment.

So, yes, it is time to accommodate the curves and heed my body’s changes by investing in some maternity clothes. Thankfully, it’ll be warmer soon so I can go the skirt and maternity t-shirt route. I’ve tried on a few pairs of maternity pants, but have yet to have any luck at Old Navy, Target or Motherhood. Since I wasn’t thin to begin with, these clothes just aren’t forgiving– if the waist fits, the ass hangs down like MC Hammer pants. Oh, and not to mention, I hate bows, don’t really do pastels or anything cutesy, so my maternity clothes inventory should be interesting. I’m thankful for the Gap and sample sales right now! I’m hoping they’ll be my answer for comfy-contemporary.


If those stores don’t work, then maybe I’ll have to ask John and see if I can borrow some of his fat pants!